Longmont Potion Castle: 11 (D.U. Records, 2014)

June 18, 2014 at 3:11 pm | Posted in Reviews | Leave a comment

Longmont Potion Castle: 11

Longmont Potion Castle: 11

Longmont Potion Castle has been on a prolific streak for a while now, regularly putting out a new album every year, each one funnier than the last. The newly released 11 (actually the 12th LPC album, counting Late Eighties Vein) marks the project’s return to the CD and tape formats, following a couple digital-only releases and the double-vinyl release of 9. This one, like most LPC releases, is pretty much non-stop ridiculousness. He calls people claiming he has a 65,000 pound battle cannon in a helicopter, asking where he should land the thing. He tells a camping store that he wants to get outfitted like a “swamp donkey”, and after he can’t get what he asks for, he asks for “holographic boots”. He gets Alex Trebek on the line with a bunch of other celebrities, claiming to be from a new show called What’s Crackin’. He does his UPS guy bit, telling someone he’s going to deliver them Tasmanian syrup on dry ice. He talks to an Obama-hating Fox News reporter, claiming to be from the NAACP, asking for donations to What’s Crackin’. Best of all is the 11 minutes he spends calling people up claiming to be “your new neighbor”, asking how he can cry more of his own natural tears. That one just hits home because I think I’ve somehow lost the ability to cry tears and sometimes wonder how I can do that myself. This is also one of the few calls where the people he’s calling are actually amused by his calls, and one of them asks him if he’s Longmont Potion Castle, and keeps saying “this is so awesome right now”. He’s as proficient as ever with manipulating his voice and coming up with ridiculous fake names, and he calls people on Skype and when they say they’re going to report his number or track him he nonchalantly goes “oh don’t do that”. The last few LPC albums have included links to bonus tracks with the digital tracklist insert, and this album includes the bonus tracks as a bonus disc. There’s only a handful of tracks on this disc, but the highlight is when he claims to be from “Golf Wolf Magazine”, and repeatedly asks the guy he’s calling how he’s doing, who keeps replying “I’m unbelievable, but if you keep calling, I’ll call the police”. He also claims to be a former coach for the Denver Broncos, and calls some guy who hates football asking for input. Oh, and as usual, there’s some thrash songs, some of which have dense sample collages, and one of which samples the infamous “Tight Bros” phone conversation between two guys talking about which classic rock guitarist is better (“I was flipping on acid!”). It looks like the page that had the physical CD and tape versions isn’t available (maybe they sold out already) but you can always buy a download here. Give this man all the moneys or he’s gonna whoop your ass. How does that sound?

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